It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

You know the lilting song — or at least this line. The refrain echoes endlessly in the mall, at the office party, and from the car radio–until it turns into an earworm, embodying the pressure on women: to make the holiday season the most wonderful time of the year.

The song is a lie, at least for women I’ve talked to this week. The most wonderful time of the year? Too many: hours in traffic, cookies to bake, lists to check off, gifts to hunt down, parties to smile at, decisions to make (Pecan pie or Yule log? Silk or cashmere? Wii or iPhone?) At the holiday party for my writing group, we challenged ourselves to write six word Christmas stories (six word stories were first composed by Ernest Hemingway on a dare.) Mine? “Exhausted women engulfed in excessive expectations.” How is this wonderful?

Certainly, 365 days a year women are expected to be everything to everybody, holding the fabric of life together by making events happen. Women succeed gloriously every December: from tinsel to eggnog, every event cheerily attended, each perfect gift beautifully wrapped, every cookie artfully iced. Sometimes at 2 AM, like Kate in I Don’t Know How She Does It,you might find yourself smashing store-bought mince pies to mimic homemade — but it all gets done. Grumbling and exhausted on January 2^nd, we collpase in a collective heap. (We need a nap, after all–our new gym memberships activate on January 3^rd!)

Given the ramped-up holiday demands, the default mood is not holiday bliss, but rather the latest incarnation of Scrooge. Not only are most women not immersed in holiday wonder, they’re plagued with guilt because they’re not feeling positive at all. Here’s a another line of that song: and everyone telling you “be of good cheer.”

We swamp ourselves by adding even more items to brimming “to do” lists, to create a magazine-perfect, joy-filled holiday. Then, we outlaw some healthy kvetching about it. The result: guilt every moment that “loving it” is outshouted by your inner Grinch.

Here’s one small gift you can give yourself this season: honesty about how hard it is to pull off the Holiday Wonder. It’s a difficult time of year, with excessive expectations, crowded schedules, and the ever-lurking possibility of tearful disappointment. Let’s cut ourselves some slack. No one can execute good cheer 110% of the time, humming along and living every Xmas carol. There’s a lot on your list for one mere mortal. No more guilt about your mood. Expect to have cranky moments and not love every minute — and one level of stress will evaporate.

How can this help? When you know you’re facing increased demands, you can adjust your expectations and 1) drop the overlay of impossible seamless cheeriness, which lessens the guilt and 2) remember, because you’re working hard, you need to take five minutes with feet up, nursing your favorite festive beverage. Do one (or ideally both) of these items, and you will feel less stressed.

Here’s the mantra for this week: “It’s a hard time of year — and it’s okay toacknowledge my inner Grinch.” And here’s the action plan: take a deep breath, reflect upon what pieces of the holiday really matter, and make sure those get done. Forget the rest. After all, If Andy Williams’ wife had written the lyrics, they might go something like this:

It’s the most frustrating time of the year
With the kids raising hell
And everyone telling you “Be of good cheer”
It’s the most maddening time of the year
It’s the most, most stressful season of all
With nonstop obligations and high expectations
When friends come to call
It’s the most, most stressful season of all

There’ll be parties for hosting

With all the moms boasting
And waiting in line -til you cry
There’ll be scary sale stories
And tales of the glories of
collapsing each night with a sigh.

It’s the most traumatic time of the year
There’ll be much overdoing
And you’ll still be stewing
When loved ones are near
It’s the most nerve-racking time of the year

Now, to untangle that blasted string of pepper lights for the banister . . .