Just say no!

Posted by on Mar 29, 2012 in Expectations, Relationships, Self esteem, Self-talk, Straight thinking, Stress management, Women's issues | 0 comments

A good firm “no” is hard to come by in most women’s lives–and we’re not talking about the campaign related to drugs that most of us heard in middle school. Socialized as we are to please others, we buy into the unrealistic expectation that pleasing is even perfectly possible. ¬†And so we say “yes”–to another event, another task, another responsibility, all in the hopes of making everybody happy. Creating happiness and getting approval are worthy goals–until we find ourselves getting pulled into the depths of too much responsibility. The...

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Another thought about life’s pits

Posted by on Mar 23, 2012 in Expectations, Health, Parenting, Relationships, Self esteem, Self-compassion, Self-talk, Straight thinking, Stress management, Women's issues | 0 comments

While I don’t usually do ‘themes’ over several weeks, lately I seem to keep finding more to say about navigating the really tough parts of life. Part one noted that all of life involves struggles, and we fool ourselves if we believe 1) that life is harder for us than for others and/or 2) that we can avoid this part of life if we just behave in the right way. Part two stressed that the challenge of life is to navigate these trials; just see that they are essential to the path we’re living and we don’t have to like them. Reading while I enjoy my breakfast on a...

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What a waste!

Posted by on Jan 20, 2012 in Body image, Expectations, Health, Relationships, Self-compassion, Self-talk, Straight thinking | 2 comments

In that stuck place of our all or nothing, black and white thinking, this phrase is uttered often, particularly when contemplating change. ¬†Having invested in a certain path, we think we must stay the course. For how long? Basically forever, it seems. This is how I hear it–again and again (and even have been known to utter it myself): “But all those years in school to prepare me for this career! Seems like if I switch gears, all that is a waste.” (This seems particularly pressing when the speaker has student loans, but time invested is also important.) “I’ve...

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Truth in advertising

Posted by on Sep 19, 2011 in Expectations, Self esteem, Self-compassion, Self-talk, Straight thinking, Women's issues | 2 comments

The phone rang. I still have a land line, though callers on that line other than political, nonprofit, and home remodeling solicitors are few. So I check the caller ID before I pick up. And this is what I saw: I was literally rolling on the floor laughing. How transparent! I didn’t pick it up (hmm, did I really need to clarify that point?). The machine did, promptly recording a message about the super low interest rate I could receive on my credit card if I’d just call promptly. I wondered how this happened. What company lists it’s business name as “phone scam”?...

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A strategy shift

Posted by on Aug 19, 2011 in Parenting, Self esteem, Self-compassion, Self-talk, Stress management | 1 comment

Chastise yourself much? Scold yourself for not doing the right/healthy/calm thing, hoping to move yourself into good behavior? This thinking runs through my head at times: “What were you thinking? You know better!” As a culture, we have a too-ready acceptance of this process, i.e. that the best way to bring misbehavior in line is through correction and scolding, especially when applied to ourselves versus children. It’s a time-honored tradition, as this quote suggests: Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers...

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It’s all about the ratio

Posted by on Jul 1, 2011 in Body image, Expectations, Parenting, Relationships, Self esteem, Self-talk, Straight thinking, Stress management | 1 comment

We fallible human beings are inveterate black and white, all or nothing thinkers–especially when stressed. Either everything is good, wonderful, 110% perfect– your life, your parenting, your relationship, your job, your holiday, last night’s sleep, your weight, your food consumption–or everything is a mess and you are a dismal failure. One minor slip, and (fill in the blank) is all shot to h*)). One cookie wrecks the diet, so may as well have six more. One cranky moment where you snap at a child or loved one, and you are a wretched parent/partner. One hour–or...

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