Relationships

Just say no!

Posted by on Mar 29, 2012 in Expectations, Relationships, Self esteem, Self-talk, Straight thinking, Stress management, Women's issues | 0 comments

A good firm “no” is hard to come by in most women’s lives–and we’re not talking about the campaign related to drugs that most of us heard in middle school. Socialized as we are to please others, we buy into the unrealistic expectation that pleasing is even perfectly possible. ¬†And so we say “yes”–to another event, another task, another responsibility, all in the hopes of making everybody happy. Creating happiness and getting approval are worthy goals–until we find ourselves getting pulled into the depths of too much responsibility. The...

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Another thought about life’s pits

Posted by on Mar 23, 2012 in Expectations, Health, Parenting, Relationships, Self esteem, Self-compassion, Self-talk, Straight thinking, Stress management, Women's issues | 0 comments

While I don’t usually do ‘themes’ over several weeks, lately I seem to keep finding more to say about navigating the really tough parts of life. Part one noted that all of life involves struggles, and we fool ourselves if we believe 1) that life is harder for us than for others and/or 2) that we can avoid this part of life if we just behave in the right way. Part two stressed that the challenge of life is to navigate these trials; just see that they are essential to the path we’re living and we don’t have to like them. Reading while I enjoy my breakfast on a...

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Love Shouldn’t Hurt

Posted by on Feb 14, 2012 in Expectations, Relationships, Self-compassion, Women's issues | 0 comments

The fable goes that you can boil a frog alive. Just immerse the frog into a big pot of room temperature water, place the pot on the burner, and ever so slowly raise the heat. The temperature will rise so slowly that the frog will not notice. The frog’s body acclimates to the water as it gets hotter and hotter, and before the creature knows what’s happening, it succumbs, simmered to death. In partner relationships, emotional abuse can sneak up in just this subtle way. In many families, teasing is a way to show love. As a teen or adult, you may tolerate such teasing, oblivious to...

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Truth or consequences

Posted by on Feb 7, 2012 in Expectations, Relationships, Self esteem, Who Says?!, Women's issues | 0 comments

Truth or consequences

One of the hardest tasks in life is being true to one’s self. However inadvertent, most little girls are taught to value niceness over self-affirmation: “Did you make your friend cry?” “Don’t make Mommy mad.” “Be a good girl and smile”. While it is admirable to be a kind, considerate, nurturing person, too often we make this a priority at expense of our own needs. When generation upon generation parents with this goal of creating “nice” girls, models and skills are lacking to teach: How to balance our own needs with the needs of...

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What a waste!

Posted by on Jan 20, 2012 in Body image, Expectations, Health, Relationships, Self-compassion, Self-talk, Straight thinking | 2 comments

In that stuck place of our all or nothing, black and white thinking, this phrase is uttered often, particularly when contemplating change. ¬†Having invested in a certain path, we think we must stay the course. For how long? Basically forever, it seems. This is how I hear it–again and again (and even have been known to utter it myself): “But all those years in school to prepare me for this career! Seems like if I switch gears, all that is a waste.” (This seems particularly pressing when the speaker has student loans, but time invested is also important.) “I’ve...

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Happy Holidays!

Posted by on Dec 20, 2011 in Expectations, Health, Mind-Body, Relationships, Straight thinking, Stress management | 1 comment

Make a list of the good stuff as you move through the chaos and mess this holiday season. Our brains are like Velcro for the negative: the tears, the undone tasks, the misses on gifts, the tension. If you stop and mindfully record what is good each day, each hour, you will help that same brain, which naturally tends to be like Teflon for positive, zero in on the successes. Research suggests that the ratio is 7:1. We need seven happy events, kind words, compliments, or hugs to outweigh each tense, stressed, angry or irritable event. Make memories of the positive by letting it sink into your...

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